The Men Upon the Hilltop
“Where can someone struggling with purpose in their life find a purpose? Am I left to crawl up the stairs of the nearest church? Dedicate my life to serving everyone but myself? Or better yet, become engrossed in a career that inches me day by day towards a dark cold grave?” A great series of questions raised by Alex.
“Those are all great answers to your problem! And how great it is that you have options to pick from, because many complain about being forced down a path,” The Great Theo replied. “Do tell how you have come upon the choices before you,” Theo beckoned.
Alex, with perplexity, belted out “How can crawling up the stairs of a church in any way be a life that anyone wants? I was simply being facetious, as so many men waste their lives in a congregation that leads them to nothing.”
“Nothing? But yet they seem so happy, fulfilled, and at peace. Particularly those of the Christian faith: very nice people.” At which Theo spread his arms wide across the hilltop upon which they sat, motioning to all that lived in the valley below. This hill was one that gave a view of the city, not too tall, but tall enough to sit upon. “Even if they are going to church, moving through rituals, conversing, professing, and surrendering themselves to a God that may, or may not, exist, the act in which brings them there is one that develops a life of peace and understanding. To that, what other purpose might there be in life?”
For a moment Alex seemed to be caught off guard by the response Theo gave, one that justified a life dedicated towards the church and God. “What is it that drives kindness if there is no God? What purpose would there be to give and help those around me? I am already down on my luck, and so why should I take that time to raise others when I cannot manage to raise my own self up?”
“The answer is to be the most selfish! In such a case, you should turn inwards and fill the hole in your soul. The best method is to take the time away from worrying, from the business of the world, escaping the chatter and noise, and engulf yourself fully into a task that brings shade over the anxiety in your life. You owe it to yourself, and in chasing your own salvation of freedom and self-serving needs, you will fulfill the holes in others at the same time.”
Standing up from the bench and turning towards Theo, Alex rebuttals, “How convenient it is to tell someone to serve others to serve themselves! Why is it that I simply do not kick back and enjoy my life, doing the day to day without the need to interact with someone in the first place?”
“Sure. But is that where you are going to find your happiness? Sitting day by day, month by month, and year by year, doing the same thing, ‘kicking back and enjoying life.’ What is it that you are enjoying though? Who is there to enjoy it with you?”
“Happiness cannot be far from a beach and a beer. I can sit back and people watch, all without the need to even interact!”
“And yet, the rate of suicide and loneliness goes up significantly with individuals that are down this path. How is it that you can be so special to be the 1 in 10,000 that finds success and joy in such an existence? What seems like paradise becomes a Hell of one's own design. What can be nice, and very necessary at moments in life, the solitude is not to be permanent. This is why we remove prisoners and put them in the ‘shoe’: to punish them beyond just physicality, but mentally and emotionally detach them from contact with others. And that is the very outcome you are advocating for voluntarily!” sitting back with a slight smirk now.
The eyes of defeat were setting in, “But then what is the very point of life when I feel at edge, restless, and without a purpose to aim? If I do not delve into serving a God who I must follow on belief, or give back to those who have given nothing to me, what is the point of continuing on?” Alex, now sitting back down on the bench to watch the sunset with Theo, stared into the distance with thoughts whirling behind the eyes.
“Was work not good enough for you? And not the work that brings income, although it sure is nice when that aligns with our goals. But the work that you do that you lose yourself in? Alex, the happiest times in life are the moments right before a goal is achieved, and once it passes, so does the happiness begin to fade. We struggle, grind, and crawl towards a goal. But it is not the goal that brings the smile on our face, but the enjoyment comes from the mud on your jeans, the sweat in your brow, and the frustration that you have from plans going awry. The amount of enjoyment one feels is proportionate to the amount of struggle that they must go through to achieve the task. And so the harder that one works, the more alive and full of purpose they have.”
“But my job feels as if there is nothing of utility. There is no difference in me or the next person to do the job. A simple beancounter is the sentiment I feel,.” retorted Alex. “How is there any purpose in a meaningless career and job? In busywork?”
“Maybe it is your flag to bear from God. Maybe it is your lesson to learn, to find meaning in nothing, and the task of ‘beancounting’ is to bring you closer to suffering, so that you can be closer to God. The work you bear is to test your will, to test your patience, to prepare you to be with others. In that preparation for being around others, you are serving others; it may feel meaningless, but counting those beans is for someone. And if not you, then them. And now they are serving you. But as you work, suffering at will and on purpose, to serve and save others from performing the meaningless task themselves, you will need to find a light. That light is your faith in God, that what you are doing is the right thing.
To work, to serve, to have faith, comes from God. Your purpose is to be with God, and when you feel the void of meaninglessness, that is a sign that you may be directly touching God through the direct recognition of that suffering. Taken on willingly, the purpose becomes positive. To run from suffering does not give escape to purpose, but leaves void the self recognition that you seek. There is no escape from purpose, only the escape of recognizing your personal purpose.”
Silence engulfs the hilltop as the sun peeks through the clouds for the last moments of the day, leaving the two men in a different place than where they first began.
Originally posted on X: @Yolked_Thoughts